GOD: the author and creator of break-ups.

I had just finished secondary school and waiting for WASSCE results to be released when he asked me to be his girlfriend. 

I said yes because we had agreed after secondary school he would be my first boyfriend ever since I didn't want to date in secondary school.

It was like every other normal teenage love affair. He calls you first thing in the morning and last at night. You smile to you phone when he texts. He calls when you are with your mum and you end the call with a message "with mum"

Then he replies "Oh, was missing your voice."

Your mum notices the smile you give to your phone as you read his message and ignores it or asks and you lie about it. You both share your everyday tales together and sometimes you find your self comparing yourself to all his female friends whose sounds cool from all the stories you have heard about them.

He is your rain, your sun, your moon until suddenly everything changes. If you are not me, you get a normal form of break-up. "It's not you it's me"  "I just need a break" "bla bla bla" sometimes you get a little bit of the truth "I don't know but something has changed with the way I feel about you", but if you are me which I certainly doubt, you will get "I want to get closer to God, I feel we should just be best friends" 

How was I supposed to react to this??? You know you are me if you smile and tell him "Am really happy for you" and you hide your hurts and go back home to read the bible just so you could get bible verses to send to him and prayer points so maybe somehow he would realise that all of you can be in this together. You know. you, him and God.

Guess what??? Two weeks later he calls you up during x-tra cool hours (please who else remembers MTN xtra cool?) and tells you "hold up I need you to meet someone." and put the call on hold, 5seconds later your call screen notifies you that someone has joined the call, Conference call.

"a-girl's-name meet my bestfriend your-name, and bestie meet the girl am in love with a girl's-name"

I don't know what your reaction would be to this but if you were me, you would smile until your face hurts as you talk and jabber about several things and afterwards when the call is over, you pat yourself on the back and say "atleast you are the best friend and you know him better"

So maybe it's the religion, maybe try another religion who won't leave again so 6months later you find your heart being won over by this fine muslim dude. He has the smile of a thousand stars, atleast that's what he said about me and till today am still trying to figure out if stars smile. 

He is gentle and laughs to your crispy jokes. He holds your hand when he talks to his friends and best part, he has no female best friends so he is all yours.

One fine Saturday night as you both sat on your favorite spot watching and making fun of innocent people passing by, he gives you this look like that which Romeo gave to Juliet the first time they met at the ball like you were some sort of magic and says "will you give me the honor to be called your boyfriend"

I thought you would never ask! You try hard not to scream out your yes. And from that night he became your everything but sadly the only "thing" that lasts for ever isn't the one with "every" but "no".

So after a short happy ever after he calls you for a talk and like I said, you will get a normal break-up speech if you aren't me but if you are me, you would get "I can't go on anymore. I want to fix my life. Be serious with God and prayers and be a better Muslim" plus a " Besides, I don't like the way you dress and bla bla bla" 

You see, this time you can't hide the hurt. He doesn't even want to be best friends, he just wants to leave.  You cry for weeks and give in to Nature's rule of break ups which states "If you want to get over a man, get under another one" This is were one of your male friends or cute stranger becomes a rebound

If you thought it ended with teen age, LIES YOU TELL YOURSELF!

So you fall for a fellow student in University who totally sweeps you off your feet that at night you find yourself fantasizing about someday marrying him and he shows you things about life like you have never seen before but you know what they say, okay I don't know what they say ehmm the end of it is that months later he call you up and says he has something to talk about when next you see.

"You see," he starts looking like he can't hurt a fly. "My life isn't going the way I want. I want to take time out and work on my life. Know God. Be a better man. Work on my dreams  and I feel we should take a break or something"

OKAY???

This is were I stop. So what is it with God? Why does He always always always take anyone I love for himself. Oh wait, it"s not God. A week later he said he fell inlove with his ex. 

EHHM Okay! 

So I suppose God is the best man for the job when it comes to break-ups. Let's just call his name and end it. 

Or wait, was it me??? Did I do something to all of them that chased them to God to deliver them.

Or was it just them? Those childish little bag of beans who couldn't say how they felt.

It has gotten to the point where I say something smart and encouraging and wise like how all those break-ups got me here Frankly "here" is still not the destination and how I am better now and wiser now and this and that I have always been better and wiser and this and that, it probably took me a while to realize that but I know this now and tell you how everything happened for a reason but nope I have nothing smart to say I came to tell a story. 

One thing is, am no  longer that girl who found something to compete for with every female friend you introduce with me. If we date and you have an awesome female friend who cooks awesome meals probably better than me which by the way is close to impossible I won't be breaking my back in the kitchen to compete with her instead if she give you food abeg remain for me.

I won't wear less short dresses because you have a problem with girls who show more skin but wait first, how did you get attracted to me in the first place?

I won't talk less or slowly or quietly because you hate it when a girl talks loudly about something she is passionate for.

See, if we date and you are more in love with the girl you want me to be than the girl I am Oga abeg no vex, find someone else. 

You stay or you leave, I will forever be the place. Your love won't push me to be insecure and be in competition with other girls and wish to be superior to every girl in your life because like a wise movie once taught me: 

                                         "THERE IS NOTHING NOBLE BEING SUPERIOR TO A FELLOW                               MAN (WOMAN). THERE IS ONLY NOBILITY IN BEING SUPERIOR TO YOUR FORMER SELF" 

And yes, compared to the girl I used to be, I'm way superior!

P.S: Sorry lovelies for being MIA for almost two months now. Been busy more like lazy but am back now. For those that missed me, I also missed you and those that didn't well I still miss you. 

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See you next time. Bye!