The first time I knew something was wrong would be few minutes after my birth when my dad came into the hospital room and walked out almost immediately when he heard it was a girl.
I knew something was wrong as I grew up and my brother would gain more favor from my dad in a day than i would in a month.
In every sibling fight the boys are always the winners 'cause they had my dad's vote.
I knew something was wrong when even though I enjoyed taking coffee each morning with my dad, he still wished my brother would take my place and not complain about how bitter it tasted.
You see, my family own a plantain plantation and although I enjoy changing into some old clothes and going into the farm to hold a cutlass and bring down bunches, everybody wished my brother who had no interest in it would be me.
I knew something was wrong one cold morning when I killed a snake that tried to attack my siblings and I, the only compliment my dad gave was "I wish you were a boy"
I knew something was wrong in secondary school when the position of Senior prefect was reserved for only boys and deputy senior prefect for the girls.
I knew something was wrong when I had my first boyfriend. He was helping me do my nails and immediately his friends walked in he practically pushed my leg off him and acted like my foot had an infection of some sort.
I knew something was wrong when my mum sat and giggled about stories of my brother's girlfriend and didn't want to hear a boy's name from my lips.
I knew something was wrong on days of planned sibling mischief my mum would scold my sister and I harder and go all "You don't know you are not a boy."
And was it the "keep your virginity for your husband" talk that was only directed to my sister and I excluding my brothers but she will merely say "You, don't get any girl pregnant o, you will have to marry her". I always thought it was unfair that I would keep my virginity for a man who won't keep same for me and when I asked I got the "a man can't get pregnant but you can" reply. I never really did get it but I knew it was wrong.
I knew something was wrong when I was trying to snub an "abero" (street tout) that was disturbing me to enter the wrong bus and he shouted "See you, see as you dey form anyhow. You know know say na me fit marry you tomorrow? After when una reach 30, una go dey cry to God for husband, now you see one you dey form.) I almost turned back to give him a "warka" and probably running as soon as I can so he won't beat me up but it's not every dog that barks that you turn to hush. And besides, I don't trust my running skills.
I knew something was wrong the day I went to Wuse market and saw a small slowly gathering crowd and as I got closer, I saw this girl who wore a skirt she was comfortable in and the barrow pushers stopped her from entering the market saying her skirt was short. From her English as she pleaded you could tell she wasn't familiar with the environment. Funny thing is some of the street boys gathering had their shirts handing on the neck showing off their sweaty bare chest no one bothered. Wait let me ask, the tiny buttons on a guy's chest aren't they also called nipples? Why aren't they being covered? Is it cause there isn't any elevation of fat? hmmmm! Her friend tried pleading that she just came to Nigeria for the holidays and one of the man in the crowd shouted "That means she has money, I have a shop close by, come and buy something to change into" and that was how she went with the man who clearly took advantage of the situation to make money of her and if I know Wuse thirsty shop owners well, she will pay double of the normal price for the "appropriate" dress.
I stood there shouting to almost myself before something shut me up. A woman who went all "Abeggy, make she go change. You no no say as she dress like this, this boys get RIGHT to rape her.
Bamboozled isn't even the word to describe how I felt at that point. My tiny little voice could do nothing to help the poor girl but I knew it was wrong.
I knew something was terribly wrong when I would stay home all day with my mum scared to go out and when my wandering brother comes back home, am expected to go heat up the food for him. I remember this one incident that happened years ago, we were all enjoying a movie in the sitting room when my brother said he was hungry, my mum who is a typical Nigerian mum got concerned and asked why he didn't eat lunch earlier and he said he didn't like what was prepared and when she asked what he wanted to eat he said noodles and she turned to me and said "Amara go and prepare indomie for your brother". There is nothing wrong in a mum sending her child on an errand but I didn't want to go make noodles. I wanted to sit and enjoy the movie like he was and beside he is the one hungry why couldn't he prepare an "easy to cook" noodle? Why? I stood up trying not to hiss and walked to the kitchen, I don't know why but I knew something was wrong.
I knew something was wrong each time I hear a rape incident and the frequently asked question remains "What was she wearing?" I mean we see boys sagging exposing their under wears and even walking shirtless and you don't see us raping him. And when did a girl's dressing become a measure of character?
I knew something was wrong when my very first relationship of which I paid most of the bills (if not all) but each time we bump into a group of friends or even random friendly strangers they would shake him for how good I look "I see you are taking care of her" they would smile or laugh. "Ah ah, see the hairstyle, Mr man you dey try on top her body o".
Dafuq??? I paid for the hair, the everything on me and infact, I bought the shirt he is wearing so thank me. Shake me. I would scream in my head. But weirdly I would smile like I didn't know the truth, look and him like he was my care taker, hold his hand and delight in the fact that everyone thought my boyfriend was "spoiling me".
The girls I spoke to would talk of how "he is really taking care of you o" and I would smile and do the "Na so nah" face.
But I knew after the entire show, I would go back to a relationship were he would tell me his problems and I would steal from my parents and give to him (well, I never did tell him it was stolen and he never did ask sooo) but each time we get to a shop to get something, I didn't pay, instead i would give him the money and he would pay. I was letting him take from me and also not acting like he takes from me (I don't know if you understand but this is not our topic sooo....) so he won't feel less than a man. I felt it was a sin to let a man feel less by my actions. Money or no money, he was a man and I should bow to his feet. It was my first experience and each night as I went to bed, I knew something was definitely wrong.
I knew something was wrong when I discovered that every teaching I ever got about being a girl
It felt like being a woman meant acknowledging we have no cape or burning down our capes because we need a "Man" to save us. I knew something was wrong as I burnt down my cape waiting for a man to come save me.
A few weeks back, I had a date night with my boyfriend and it was my treat (am sure you will read this and you will say "but you paid with my money how is it your treat? If you are trying to escape paying next time, you have failed woefully but c'mon dude who gave the waiter the money? Exactly, so it was my treat) and I was with the money. But the waiter walked past me who was closest to him and went all the was to ma niggah and gave him the bill and I was like "Dafuq happened to me?"
I collected the bill and gave it back to the waiter alongside the money and he left brought back my balance minutes later, passed me again and went to the other side. Really nigga? Once again, I knew something was wrong.
Dear opposite sex, the concept of feminism is simply a movement and belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities. At homes, In schools, workplace, relationships, everywhere. If a man hates cooking and doesn't enter the kitchen, a woman also have same rights. We are not out to argue that men are not superior, we are saying women are also superior.
We all are superior. No one deserves to be treated as inferior to the other. Train your daughters also to be superior just like your sons. Train them in self defense and how to work hard, no one will defend and take care of them like they would themselves.
Dear same sex, it's one thing to tell the men to woman up and it's another to tell you to man up. You can't go about preaching feminism when you won't agree to split a bill with a man because "he is the man". You can't sit and paint your nails anticipating that you will marry a rich man who will pay the bills and you won't have to lift a finger. If he confides you to being a child production agency, a cook and cleaner don't complain it is merely division of labor.
Get your butt up and work baby. Be a man! The change isn't just with our men, it's with us too. Train your daughters to be superior also and not just your sons. Trained them both to cook and feed their own stomach, no one will take care of their stomach like they would themselves.
Now to the boy who thinks feminism is crap, you know what I think?, I think you are a coward so all you have to bank on is the "Nature given superiority" and even with that, you ego breaks more easy than an egg shell and we the women won't feed your ego no more. Woman up!!!
Join the movement today. #ImanUp #Iwomanup. Use these hashtags on Instagram and other social networks to share your story.
Love always, -the girl with awesome boobs.
I knew something was wrong when my mum sat and giggled about stories of my brother's girlfriend and didn't want to hear a boy's name from my lips.
I knew something was wrong on days of planned sibling mischief my mum would scold my sister and I harder and go all "You don't know you are not a boy."
And was it the "keep your virginity for your husband" talk that was only directed to my sister and I excluding my brothers but she will merely say "You, don't get any girl pregnant o, you will have to marry her". I always thought it was unfair that I would keep my virginity for a man who won't keep same for me and when I asked I got the "a man can't get pregnant but you can" reply. I never really did get it but I knew it was wrong.
I knew something was wrong when I was trying to snub an "abero" (street tout) that was disturbing me to enter the wrong bus and he shouted "See you, see as you dey form anyhow. You know know say na me fit marry you tomorrow? After when una reach 30, una go dey cry to God for husband, now you see one you dey form.) I almost turned back to give him a "warka" and probably running as soon as I can so he won't beat me up but it's not every dog that barks that you turn to hush. And besides, I don't trust my running skills.
I knew something was wrong the day I went to Wuse market and saw a small slowly gathering crowd and as I got closer, I saw this girl who wore a skirt she was comfortable in and the barrow pushers stopped her from entering the market saying her skirt was short. From her English as she pleaded you could tell she wasn't familiar with the environment. Funny thing is some of the street boys gathering had their shirts handing on the neck showing off their sweaty bare chest no one bothered. Wait let me ask, the tiny buttons on a guy's chest aren't they also called nipples? Why aren't they being covered? Is it cause there isn't any elevation of fat? hmmmm! Her friend tried pleading that she just came to Nigeria for the holidays and one of the man in the crowd shouted "That means she has money, I have a shop close by, come and buy something to change into" and that was how she went with the man who clearly took advantage of the situation to make money of her and if I know Wuse thirsty shop owners well, she will pay double of the normal price for the "appropriate" dress.
I stood there shouting to almost myself before something shut me up. A woman who went all "Abeggy, make she go change. You no no say as she dress like this, this boys get RIGHT to rape her.
Bamboozled isn't even the word to describe how I felt at that point. My tiny little voice could do nothing to help the poor girl but I knew it was wrong.
I knew something was terribly wrong when I would stay home all day with my mum scared to go out and when my wandering brother comes back home, am expected to go heat up the food for him. I remember this one incident that happened years ago, we were all enjoying a movie in the sitting room when my brother said he was hungry, my mum who is a typical Nigerian mum got concerned and asked why he didn't eat lunch earlier and he said he didn't like what was prepared and when she asked what he wanted to eat he said noodles and she turned to me and said "Amara go and prepare indomie for your brother". There is nothing wrong in a mum sending her child on an errand but I didn't want to go make noodles. I wanted to sit and enjoy the movie like he was and beside he is the one hungry why couldn't he prepare an "easy to cook" noodle? Why? I stood up trying not to hiss and walked to the kitchen, I don't know why but I knew something was wrong.
I knew something was wrong each time I hear a rape incident and the frequently asked question remains "What was she wearing?" I mean we see boys sagging exposing their under wears and even walking shirtless and you don't see us raping him. And when did a girl's dressing become a measure of character?
I knew something was wrong when my very first relationship of which I paid most of the bills (if not all) but each time we bump into a group of friends or even random friendly strangers they would shake him for how good I look "I see you are taking care of her" they would smile or laugh. "Ah ah, see the hairstyle, Mr man you dey try on top her body o".
Dafuq??? I paid for the hair, the everything on me and infact, I bought the shirt he is wearing so thank me. Shake me. I would scream in my head. But weirdly I would smile like I didn't know the truth, look and him like he was my care taker, hold his hand and delight in the fact that everyone thought my boyfriend was "spoiling me".
The girls I spoke to would talk of how "he is really taking care of you o" and I would smile and do the "Na so nah" face.
But I knew after the entire show, I would go back to a relationship were he would tell me his problems and I would steal from my parents and give to him (well, I never did tell him it was stolen and he never did ask sooo) but each time we get to a shop to get something, I didn't pay, instead i would give him the money and he would pay. I was letting him take from me and also not acting like he takes from me (I don't know if you understand but this is not our topic sooo....) so he won't feel less than a man. I felt it was a sin to let a man feel less by my actions. Money or no money, he was a man and I should bow to his feet. It was my first experience and each night as I went to bed, I knew something was definitely wrong.
I knew something was wrong when I discovered that every teaching I ever got about being a girl
- Close your leg while you are seated
- Don't talk loud
- Don't argue with the man
- A sad man is the result of the woman
- If you are not a virgin you husband will not appreciate you (that's if you find one)
- You MUST know how to cook, clean and spread open your legs when he wants.
- Don't be authoritative, bossy, determined, career minded or too smart.
- You should not be strong, it's a woman's nature to be weak.
- Don't know too much, men hate it
- It's not in your nature to like sex, infact, you were made to please the man.
- Don't eat too much, it's not in a woman's nature (Then does of us that like food what are we?)
- Do this, don't do this. Sit up straight, walk head high, be curvy, slim, this that. We tell girls to loose weight to be attractive to a fat and big tummy man. But it's okay we are the ones who have a "deadline" to marriage. That why you see skinny brides and fat wives because "What's the need? aren't we married now?"
- Accept that men will always misbehave, cheat, do things to jeopardize the relationship but don't leave because if you do, another woman will take your place.
It felt like being a woman meant acknowledging we have no cape or burning down our capes because we need a "Man" to save us. I knew something was wrong as I burnt down my cape waiting for a man to come save me.
A few weeks back, I had a date night with my boyfriend and it was my treat (am sure you will read this and you will say "but you paid with my money how is it your treat? If you are trying to escape paying next time, you have failed woefully but c'mon dude who gave the waiter the money? Exactly, so it was my treat) and I was with the money. But the waiter walked past me who was closest to him and went all the was to ma niggah and gave him the bill and I was like "Dafuq happened to me?"
I collected the bill and gave it back to the waiter alongside the money and he left brought back my balance minutes later, passed me again and went to the other side. Really nigga? Once again, I knew something was wrong.
Dear opposite sex, the concept of feminism is simply a movement and belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities. At homes, In schools, workplace, relationships, everywhere. If a man hates cooking and doesn't enter the kitchen, a woman also have same rights. We are not out to argue that men are not superior, we are saying women are also superior.
We all are superior. No one deserves to be treated as inferior to the other. Train your daughters also to be superior just like your sons. Train them in self defense and how to work hard, no one will defend and take care of them like they would themselves.
Dear same sex, it's one thing to tell the men to woman up and it's another to tell you to man up. You can't go about preaching feminism when you won't agree to split a bill with a man because "he is the man". You can't sit and paint your nails anticipating that you will marry a rich man who will pay the bills and you won't have to lift a finger. If he confides you to being a child production agency, a cook and cleaner don't complain it is merely division of labor.
Get your butt up and work baby. Be a man! The change isn't just with our men, it's with us too. Train your daughters to be superior also and not just your sons. Trained them both to cook and feed their own stomach, no one will take care of their stomach like they would themselves.
Now to the boy who thinks feminism is crap, you know what I think?, I think you are a coward so all you have to bank on is the "Nature given superiority" and even with that, you ego breaks more easy than an egg shell and we the women won't feed your ego no more. Woman up!!!
Join the movement today. #ImanUp #Iwomanup. Use these hashtags on Instagram and other social networks to share your story.
Love always, -the girl with awesome boobs.
Woo!!!😢😆😆 #iwomanup
ReplyDeleteGirl this is amazing. Well done. 'Slim brides and fat wives' 🙌👏
ReplyDeleteGirl this is amazing. Well done. 'Slim brides and fat wives' 🙌👏
ReplyDelete